It’s been so long, my dear blog.

Hello, guys. It’s been so long since I have been here. I so missed blogging. Putting my words together, without AI polishing. Just the human in me messing over the grammars, spellings, and even mixing up words in a post that I myself could hardly understand after.

Life is good. Many times, I messed up. But many times I stood up with all my might. Several regrets, but several decisions made after. My faith many times failed too, but I kept on holding on. Life has been so hard. Decisions were so impossible to do. Many, many fears. However, several times that I convinced myself to keep showing up. Thankfully, God responded to me thousand times over.

I learned so much in my several years in life. Everyday I am trying to be better. There are times that I almost gave up myself, but walk forward anyway. Many people root for me, and it somehow gave me strength that all sad things shall pass too, that I must have the faith for better days.

I celebrated my 33rd birthday a week ago. Of course, I finally learned to honor myself and my sacrifices — including the times when I told myself to keep going. Pondering, when my current challenges met me at 23, I would have gone panic and crying. The several years made me strong, taught me to make decisions, and trained me to find ways rather than locking myself up.

On the soft side, I found my way back to my passions. I memorized my path to going back to my hobbies. I found back the love for myself, and found love around me. It is all that matters.

If only I knew back then that problems solve itself, then I could’ve enjoyed more. I am processing my traumas and at the end, I learned to be forgiving, including to myself.

I am curving my new path of putting importance to my health. My blood pressure gave me scares this month and it concerned me. I couraged to ride back to Maxicare and face my doctor. I finally transferred my YAKAP Provider to Ace Medical Center, which I am happy about because I have been thinking of changing it for a year now. This is somehow a milestone for me because due to work (and tiresome seasons), I cannot just get out of office or home on my whims. Prioritization was a challenge because work and home were on the top of it.

My birthday message was Just Thankful, because I am here, all good. I have not figured out everything at this age, but I am surviving and I hope so, thriving in life.

My wish is to find pattern and master my routine. I also wish to finish little errands, like that of my mentioned tasks that got left on my list for a year. This time, I hope to clear out extra things, arrange my place, and be more serious in my time management. Plus, I want to finally finish my master’s that has been calling me time to time for three years now.

I also want to build traditions with my loved one, as these will be memories in the future. Losing my Lola October last year was heartbreaking, but she inspired me to cook lugaw when I am sick.

I also got this interest of traditional chinese medicine, because it is a daily practice of treating minor health concerns and living with seasons and nature. I learned that TCM and western medicine (like what treatment is normally to us) can work well together. I now believe of soothing anxiety when you reconnect with nature. I more see now that importance of prayer and the belief of having someone bigger than you in relaxing our nervous systems. I learned to hold unto belief, faith, trust, and understanding as foundations of love and relationships. I also learned of earning more and cooking at home to minimize spending and clear financial debts. More importantly, I realize it is good to tell yourself that everyday is a decision; it makes me more of an adult, making responsibility on everything I do and intend to do.

Hence, at 33, I can say I have a bigger heart, a closer community, and a rounder world to circle around for growth. If I am not in my full potential yet, then I will take my steps one by one without being anxious. Yes, I have to do it happily.