Crossroads

I feel like I am on a crossroad. Based on my search, being on a crossroad means that you are in between. Though a literal definition of crossroads might be something like “the point where two roads meet,” it is more often used in a figurative way, to mean a situation that requires some important choice must be made. But in my case, I am not choosing a major choice right now. I just want continuity on what I have started in my life.

It is mostly hard to be right here. The difficulty of waking up early which is my concern until now, schedules messing up, responsibilities piling up, some conflicts among colleagues and I, and my personal life worries that are eating me out. I also observed that I have become more sensitive in the days when I feel too much. I become puzzled up with words and tones that I am not used to. I feel like I am so tired like one mistake, I would just break down. I do not know. Did I make a great sin in my past life? Or am I paying on something I did, or am I just loved in the way that do not align with what my heart wants? I think, I am blessed but I am just very exhausted facing my piece of challenge in this world.

I am also tired thinking what other people are saying. I am tired stressing over many people who I know are surviving too, not checking if they are already hurting other people. I am just praying that I would not be like them.

Honestly, what I want is to change how I respond to these things. I can do it, of course. But I know I am just very exhausted. My mind is racing for months, solving one concern to another. I am actually tired of being a figurative landing of everything. How I wish I could just pause. But I know I have to be active as well while I am still here. Despite the tiredness, it is our purpose that keeps us going, so that is what I am doing.

I hope I could figure out soon. I hope the Universe will once again align with what I wish, with what I want.