The title was deep. LOL. I initially intend to keep this “Life Stories 2020” series light as possible. In fact, when I introduced it in my Instagram, I said: “These, the rare moments. Times in life that inspire us to move forward because we pondered – amidst life battles, even in an instant, there are those rare moments: our life stages, our favorite life stories.”
Even, I initially called it “Fave Lifestories,” but hey, all of my favorites – travels, events, fashion and several others were documented here. I even have Hello Series that meant for catching up but turned out to be long essays and rants. LOL.
The series is for me to once again dig the deepest. I write but I seldom write to the core. Here’s me, trying to once again find that skill. For me, it is hope, passion, honesty and true self.
I agree that it is meaningful to emphasize the happy moments that make all the pain worth it. However, is it not worth to know about the pain at least? After all, it defines meaning to the sufferings and weight the value of all the sacrifices. That, I believe, will make us discover what more in this life that we have to see to keep us alive and live meaningfully.
Pain pushes us to be someone, either someone we are meant to become hopefully, or we loathe to become. Pain is an element of our lifestories.
Sans it, everything is plain. We may hate having such because who wants it anyway? But because just like a drama, it is an antagonist to a protagonist that stirs the story to become colorful, thrilling and exciting. The difference in real life is, it is us who write our story and be brave enough to turn such pain into something that indeed colors, thrills and excites our life. In the drama, we will know how many episodes, which episodes are heartbreaking, in which episode the character will suffer and where she will be happy again. In our life, we cannot really see and just opt what part we should have, and just jump our nexts. There are just simply the episodes, the stages, the seasons. It may be hard, smooth after, then maybe hard again and so on. We color our life day by day through our experiences and encounters, and we will keep on making it as a beautiful picture. That, if we choose not to give up and simply continue living the story.
My life currently is difficult. Well, it was never easy. Just mostly lucky because I call most hard parts “it’s worth it.”
There are times things are fine. There are times life is more than stressful. It becomes unbearable at first. Then a minute after, it’s already manageable. My life offers a lot of surprises. That’s when I realize our choices in life matter indeed.
Going through Pain and Gifting Forgiveness
It was never easy growing up and older. For me, I have been sad dealing with difficult people these days. I guess, we all have our sad stories to tell. There are some time in my life that I tried to cast away from relative and people who I used to dislike growing up. I tend to just live in my small world. Yet, circumstances after a time drew me back to the fold, thinking all were healed, when the truth is – the scar was always there. It is not painful as before but it still stings β the anger, indifference and painful memories.
Lesson is never be a hero smiling to people who used to wish you agony before. That’s why I must say forgiveness is a gift. For hardened hearts, it takes a leap of faith to fully gift forgiveness.
I am praying, hopeful that one day, I could fully achieve that. Breathing like nothing happened. However, that time is not now yet. My time is not the now.
Featured Photos are edited through Nichi and Lomo app.
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